TINDER FOR DUMMIES
Words Shyla Bhagwagar
Do you believe in love at first swipe? Here’s how you can up your tinder game
Let me guess. You’re heartbroken and your ex is now hotter than psycho. You’re sick of sitting in a bar full of men who talk about fantasies that even the Greek gods wouldn’t find themselves in. Family dinners are concerned relatives asking if you’ve found the mummy- approved-bahu. And let’s admit it, you are not the guy who believes in buying love for `3.5k a night. You’ve had enough. You sit down and tell yourself your mother didn’t raise a boy but a man; a man that is capable of passionate and all-consuming love. So you go and download Tinder. Two weeks and zero matches later, you wish your mother just raised a boy instead. But it happens, a common protest about dating apps is that women always end up getting way more matches than men do. And true as it may be, there are ways to make your profile attractive and stand out. Nothing says true love like ‘I upped my Tinder game just for you’ your first focus should be perfecting the pictures you choose. Make sure they’re just of you. No girl wants to meet the friends and family before she even reads your name.
Make your pictures interesting; playing your favourite sport or one of your hobbies. DO NOT post mirror selfies, those died with Orkut in 2010. Get the bio right. It is 500 characters; don’t be lazy. Write about yourself, avoid pick-up lines, cheesy oneliners or quotes. If women wanted to read Albert Einstein quotes, they’d be on Facebook. Also the whole world ‘loves food and music’, so be original. Recent studies showed Hitler and Nelson Mandela are more likely to have a love child than you getting a match with ‘Sapiosexual’ mentioned in your bio. Tell her about where you work or what you love, add a little humour, it never hurt anyone. Style works, but only when it’s accompanied with substance. Once you get a match, it’s time to send a message.Starting a tinder conversation with a ‘hey’ is going to be as effective as starting a first date with a ‘You smell like my mother’ – you tried and now it’s going to be all downhill from there. Get creative, why should she reply to yours? Try and find something from her bio, interests and pictures. It shows that you took time to go through her profile and made an effort. For example, “I saw bacon in your pictures, love at first sight?” is more likely to get a response.
Once you’re texting, you’ve successfully passed the hardest part. Now just make sure you don’t become a douche that takes too long to reply. Give it a few days and then ask to meet. Too soon, and she might freak out. When you do meet your tinder date for the first time, remember they are just as nervous as you are, give things time to settle. You never know, you might just find yourself, a bahu approved by mummy, and hey, maybe even one that smells like her.